Sweet As Sugar, Hard As Ice
by CinderCiela
Summary: Oneshot. Bittersweet, was the life of Sesshomaru's mother.


**Some Warnings: Suggestive themes (really light ones though), girlXgirl, OCs**

 **Kirimi is what I decided to call Sesshomaru's mother. It suits her, no?**

 **I made this up on a whim, really, but I think it came out okay. The tragic tale of Sesshomaru's mother.**

* * *

"You are to be married by the next mooncircle." Lady Kirimi's mother had told her coldly. She wasn't always this cold; when Kirimi was younger, she was kind and almost loving. Almost three winters ago, however, she told her something that made her reject her forever. She no longer cared what her daughter wanted, she merely wanted her out of the Mountain Temple. She couldn't stand to look at her anymore.

Lady Kirimi was the daughter of an Inuyokai warrior - he hadn't always been wealthy, and lived in a luxurious temple atop the mountain. He was a simple soldier, until he came across this speck of secluded land. Human villages here were attacked by demons, and he vowed to protect those villages so long as the praised him like a God. They built him a shrine atop the mountain which overlooked all of the villages, and sacrificed their crops to him so he could eat. Many suncircles later, he met a divine female. They mated, and produced an heiress. Lady Kirimi.

The Mountain Temple wasn't good enough, however. The warrior and his wife wanted their daughter to wed another powerful Inuyokai, and birth a purebred who would then carry on their legacy. And so Kirimi grew up living a life of comfort and luxury - for when the babe was born, it would have to be perfect. A beautiful, strong Yokai who had the power to conquer all. Kirimi knew that this was her duty to her parents, and she'd do whatever means necessary to fulfill this duty.

And then she fell in love.

It was a simple maid servant, Hira. She was a beautiful catfish Yokai, with low class and therefore, low importance. She mattered not to the Lord and Lady of the land. She would cook, and clean the shrine just as the hundreds of other servants did. But Kirimi liked watching her from afar. Something about the catfish Yokai was elegant, and graceful. They way she walked, it was like she was gliding. Kirimi wished to get to know the aquatic beauty better.

"Excuse me, what is your name?" Kirimi asked the Yokai servant casually, as if it didn't matter that the heiress of the shrine was stooping low to talk to a maidservant of low status.

The catfish Yokai jumped. "...! Milady! A-Are you speaking with me, milady?"

"Yes, of course. With whom else would I be speaking? Tell me, what is you name?"

"I am Hira, milady." There something about the way she talked that was pleasing to Kirimi. Her voice was elegant, and barely but a whisper. She didn't speak with the gruffness and poor grammar that most low-status Yokai did.

"Hira. _Hira_." Kirimi tasted the name on her tongue. It had such a pleasant ring to it, and it rolled off the tongue so easily. "I've been watching you, Hira. You cook and clean so diligently. I say, I'd rather like to get to know you better."

The catfish Yokai starred at her strangely, then blushed and looked away. Her transparent cheeks were the color of strawberries. "Milady, I am but a simply servant. I deserve not your kindness."

But the Inuyokai took Hira's fin-like hand in hers, and kissed it lightly. "I would not show kindness to those who are not deserving of it."

And so the two talked. They talked and talked, and Kirimi learned much. Hira was the daughter of the Catfish Lord, ruler of Shinsei Swamp. When Kirimi's father rose to power, he killed Hira's father and took the catfish girl in as a maidservant. Kirimi was shocked to find out that her father would kill a Sacred Lord - did he enjoy testing the Gods?

"Kii-chan! Come inside!" Kirimi heard her mother's beckoning call, and frowned. She wanted to spend more time with this servant. She made her feel... _warm_ , inside. "I'm afraid I must go, Hira. I will speak with you again soon."

Inside the shrine, Akira, the Hunter, was hauling in his latest kill. While it was traditional for the male of an Inuyokai clan to hunt and provide for his family, Kirimi's father believed that he had risen above such petty duties. He truly did believe himself to be a like a God. Perhaps that was why he felt he had the right to kill Sacred Lords. Her mother was draped in her finest evening kimono, sitting on the floor. Her face was painted, and jewels were woven into the long silver braid that trailed behind her back. Her father, on the other hand, would not eat sitting on the floor. He sat atop a glorious throne, made of gold and jade, with the finest silks draped over him in a tapestry of silver and blue. He wore his hair short, with a heavy crown sliding onto his forehead, eclipsing the blue moon that proved his simple heritage. He was mighty drunk, his face a right tomato red, and beautiful servants scantily clad fed him bountiful helping of fruit and raw meat.

Kirimi herself had yet to be prepared for dinner - she still wore her day kimono: a simple light green and blue obi with a small checked pattern. Her mokomoko trailed behind her, collecting dust and dirt and twigs in it's fine fur. A maidservant walked up to Kirimi gingerly. "Milady, ye might wanna find somethin' finer to wear to supper." Kirimi nodded her head in obedience.

She washed her mokomoko in lavender, and her hair in lily. She wore a sky blue kimono with a purple uchikake, and her mokomoko wrapped around her shoulders. She painted her eyes and then painted her lips, and pulled her fine silver hair back into a topknot. She glanced at her reflection in her mirror. _Hira is so full of natural beauty, and I must dress accordingly if I wish to look beautiful_ , she thought sadly. _Would she ever think me beautiful?_

When she returned to the dinning room, everything was abustle. Her mother was laughing, working hard to seduce her father, who sloshed his sake onto some maidservant, a neko Yokai who didn't take too kindly to having her Chinese-style dress stained so carelessly. Kirimi spoke up.

"Excuse me!"

Heads turned her way, and some gasped in awe. They had never seen the heiress of the house dressed so finely, or smelling so nicely. Her mother, now finely drunken herself, sauntered over to her with hands on hips.

"Why are you dressed this way, Kii-chan? Is there a handsome Yokai somewhere that you wish to please?" Her mother aksed drunkenly, supporting her tipsy balance by leaning on a lizard Yokai, the Yokai not appreciating it one bit.

"No. But I wish to ask you something." Kirimi said more seriously, trying to bring her mother back to her senses.

"Oh?"

"I believe that I am of the age to have my own Lady-In-Waiting." Kirimi stated.

Her mother erected herself up straightly, and dusted off her kimono. "Yes, I suppose you are."

"I wish to have Hira, as my Lady-In-Waiting."

Her mother looked at her strangely. She tapped her chin, most likely trying to remember who this 'Hira' is. Kirimi waited a moment, then two, then it seemed like her mother had it. "Oh, isn't she the young Catfish Princess from Shinsei swamp? Yes, she is indeed a diligent worker. She would make a fine Lady-In-Waiting."

Kirimi felt her heart pick up speed. Oh, what _is_ this funny feeling? She had never felt it before, and it was so unusual! Put Kirimi, ever the master of pokerfaces, did not show her inner excitement.

"I shall send her to your bedchamber tonight."

Kirimi felt oddly excited. She had looked forward to things before, but this excitement felt so very different. It almost made her feel dirty, so she ate her dinner quickly and returned to the bath, wanting to feel clean again. She redressed herself and painted her face again, and then calmly waited for Hira to show up. One of the duties of the Lady-In-Waiting was to protect and hide the Lady if there was danger, and Kirimi couldn't feel more blessed than by the fact that Hira and her would be _alone_ together, in her room.

Finally, she heard the sliding door open. "Hira." She stated calmly, and somewhat suddenly, causing the catfish to jump.

"Yes, milady?" She asked timidly.

"I've watched you for a long time. I desired you - your beauty, your gracefulness, your kindness. But talking to you today made me realize that I don't desire you. _I love you_." And she leaned her face close to Hira's, embracing her in a kiss.

It was odd, the had only spoken to each once, and yet, they had seen so much of each other that they loved each other. They knew that it was right.

They kissed all night.

...

"You little whore!" Lady Kirimi's father chased her out of the shrine, carrying his largest sword, and swinging it at her. Kirimi ran quickly, holding the blanket tightly and close to her naked body, hoping that it wouldn't slip off. She felt sick, more so than she had ever felt in her life, but she couldn't stop running. Her father was a danger to her right now, and she couldn't afford to be caught by him. She didn't know what would happen to Hira, she had mercilessly abandoned the catfish Yokai in her bedchamber when she heard her father's first shout.

Apparently a maidservant had seen them - a quick peek through the sliding door and ran off to tell Kirimi's father. He was furious. He had never been so angry with anyone before, and Kirimi was quite certain that he would feel no regret if he killed her this very moment.

"Please, someone, help!" Kirimi shrieked as she ran, not wanting to die at the hands of her own father. " _Please_!"

Then suddenly, she heard her father's howl of pain behind her. She swiveled on her heel to see her mother, transformed, holding her father's limp body in her huge canines. Kirimi's eyes were huge, and pained, and wet with unshed tears. But her mother looked at her with only hate, hate of a burning passion that Kirimi knew would never go away. But she wouldn't kill Kirimi - they had a plan that she would wed and mate another powerful Inuyokai, and birth the perfect purebred. She would not abandon that whole plan just because her slut of a daughter liked _women_ instead of _men_. She would not, however, let her daughter go unpunished. So that evening, in front of the servants of the shrine, the human villages, and Kirimi, Hira was killed in a bloody, brutal death.

As years wore on, Kirimi's mother grew even colder, more distant. Her only goal was to get her daughter out of the Mountain Temple and married to another purebred Inuyokai. Her mother searched high and low, until she found the perfect suitor. Finally she did.

"Girl," Kirimi's mother had long since abandoned calling her spawn by her name. "this is Touga, Lord Inu no Taisho of the Western Provinces. You are to be married by the next mooncircle."

The Inu no Taisho was certainly a well-built man, with toned, tanned muscle to spare. He bore no blue moon on his forehead, meaning that nearly all his family had been royalty. No once of common blood. His silver hair was pulled back into a topknot, and he was clad in glorious armor. His face was light, and friendly, and told no sadness. From this, Kirimi guessed that he had been through next to zero hardships; they cushioned, comfortable life of a boy that grew up well-loved. He smiled, and held out a hand for her to shake.

"Greetings, milady. Please, call me Touga." He spoke with charisma that would charm any girl. His voice was low and comfortable baritone, and it made her think of smooth honey. Not quite the same honey, however, as Hira's voice had been. "And you are...?"

Kirimi bowed so low her head almost touched the ground. "Lady Kirimi of The Mountain Province, milord." Touga, however, grabbed her by the hand and lifted her out of her bow, until they were eye level.

"Come come, there's no need for that. We will be wed quite soon, that means that we are equals."

This was new news to Kirimi, however. "How soon?" She asked as politely as she could.

"At the start of the next mooncircle, we will have our wedding."

This proved to be true, as Kirimi's mother agreed. She gathered up all that she would allow her daughter to keep - nothing. Kirimi left the shrine empty-handed, a man that she didn't quite love on her arm. When they arrived at the Western Castle, the place was abustle with wedding preparations. She wasn't surprised by the grandness of it all - it was two noble Inuyokai who were to be married, after all. What she _was_ surprised by was the fact that Touga was helping the servants with said wedding preparations.

"What are you doing?" She asked with genuine curiosity, as she watched him string silk decorations to the walls.

"It's my wedding, isn't it?" He spoke with joy in his voice. "Why shouldn't I have to help?"

Kirimi figured that this made sense, and tried to make herself useful by decorating alongside her. This was certainly very different from the Mountain Temple, where she body and beauty had to be preserved for when she was to birth the perfect child. And Touga, he was extremely different from her father. He father had convinced himself that he was a God - he rose above all else, to supreme power, and was to be treated as such.

That reminded her, weren't Touga's parents supposed to be here? This was the Western Castle, where he and his family lived, so where was the rest of his family? "Where are you parents?" She asked him. "I haven't seen any other Inuyokai here."

"They're dead." He said nonchalantly, as if it didn't bother him.

"I'm... sorry to hear that." Kirimi told him as she hung up some more silks. Why wasn't he fazed by his parents' deaths? When Kirimi's father died, she was overcome with guilt - after all, it was _her_ fault that her mother had to kill him.

"Don't be. They died in battle, protecting me. I think that's the most honorable way to die." He spoke with a smile.

"Hnn." Kirimi really didn't know what to say to that. Her father died trying to kill his own kin. In her fiancé's book, she was sure that was far from honorable.

They didn't talk the rest of the evening. This was all so strange to Kirimi, she didn't know how to react. Over the span of several days, however, the wedding came. And so did her mother. All through the ceremony, the woman who birthed her starred at her like she wanted to kill her. Kirimi tried her hardest to ignore her mother, but that was rather difficult when the woman came up to her after the ceremony.

"Girl, you make a fine bride." She said with a fake smile and eyes that could pass for daggers.

"Hnn." Was Kirimi's reply. In fact, the girl had gotten quite used to using 'hnn' as a response to statements or questions that she just couldn't respond to. It was quite easy to just ignore whatever harsh critique someone was giving her by just saying 'hnn'.

The night of the wedding, however, was the night she was to fulfill her duty. She was to sleep with the Inu no Taisho, and produce the perfect child. As the muscular man attempted to strip her of her kimono, she pushed him away. All she could think about was Hira's soft touch.

"I can do it myself." She told him, hanging her head low. If she let Touga undress her, he would erase the soft touch of the catfish Yokai she so longed to love. She allowed her kimono to fall to the floor, and climbed into the bed, praying to the Gods that this would be the night a perfect heir was produced.

The never kissed, not once.

...

The next day, Kirimi awoke with sickness. Her stomach lurched into her throat and dumped it's contents out of her mouth, tearing her up with bile. As she wretched, Touga patted her softly on the back, whispering comfort into her sensitive ears.

"I think this our little guy's way of telling us he's here."

In her mind, Kirimi smiled. She was fulfilling her duty. She wretched the rest of the morning in peace.

Months wore on, and the more Kirimi's belly swelled, the better friends she was becoming with Touga. They made each other smile, and they were kind to each other. But she didn't _love_ Touga. She knew that she was supposed to, be she just couldn't bring herself to do so. And as the months wore on, she also had a strange nagging feeling. Something in the pit of her stomach told her that she couldn't be a mother. Not to this child. This child would not be her own spawn, but the spawn of her evil parents' brains all those years ago.

Finally, a child was born. A little boy, who donned two maroon stripes on each cheek and unfortunately, the crescent moon of common lineage. He had silky white hair already down to his shoulders, and a fluffy white mokomoko like his mother.

But Kirimi just couldn't bring herself to call this little boy hers. It was her parents' plan for her to have a purebred baby, and her parents had hated her. Her father tried to murder her, and her mother didn't even see her as a person. Not anymore. The more she thought about this, the more she wondered if she could really take care of this child.

"He's perfect." Touga said caringly. Kirimi looked at her mate sadly. No, it wasn't fair to Touga to reject the boy. She was the mother. She had to care for this boy. She couldn't allow him to have an unloved life as she did.

"What's his name?" Kirimi asked.

"Hmm..." Touga thought for a moment. "Sess.. Sessho... Sesshoyasha? No, that's no good... Sesshomaru? Yeah, Sesshomaru!" He finally decided, his face lit up with a smile.

"Sesshomaru..." Kirimi cooed the little boy's name softly, and he began to squirm himself awake. His eyes were golden, and rather alert for a child all of thirty minutes old.

As Kirimi starred at her son, she knew that she would raise him. She had to.

...

Later that year, a traveling merchant came to the Western Castle. A snake Yokai. She had silky ebony locks and eyes bluer than the sea. It had been storming, and the Yokai had been seeking shelter, where she could stay and wait the storm out. She came across the Western Castle, and Touga, ever the gentleman, allowed her housing for the night. Kirimi began to talk with the Yokai, and they hit it off right from the start. Finally, the kissed. Sesshomaru watched, amused with eyes as big as saucers.

The snake offered for Kirimi to come along with her, and after asking Touga for permission, she agreed to go with her. When the storm was over, the two were ready to leave.

"Sesshomaru, you'll be good for Daddy, won't you?" Kirimi said as she ruffled the boy's hair.

Sesshomaru nodded, and Kirimi planted one quick kiss on his forehead, on the blue moon of common heritage.

And she was gone. She left with the merchant, and was never heard from again. For some reason, Touga was okay with that. His mate was happy, and so that made him happy. He still had Sesshomaru, and they were going to make great father-son memories together. Everything would be okay.

And then he fell in love.


End file.
